I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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