We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
