I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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