I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
