Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
