Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
