On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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