I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
