Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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