Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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