I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
