I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
