dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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