I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
