My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i've created a new STD.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
