About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
