hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
