every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
