so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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