I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
