I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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