I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
