Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I will pee on everything he values.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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