I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
