I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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