their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
