my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
