This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
