I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
