I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
