I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
