Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
