you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
did i just pee glitter
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize