YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
