Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
