Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
