I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
