Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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