this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
