Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
