I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
