The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
