I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
