remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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