I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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