did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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