theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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