I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
