Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
