Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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