someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
