were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
