So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
