party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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