Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
