I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
