i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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