if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
