My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize