respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
