I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
