tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's the barista slut.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
