never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
