Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize