And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
