just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
