Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize