My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize