I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
