she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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