i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
