What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
