Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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